literature

and she'll say she's okay

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Literature Text

but really she's a mess, a deep dark mess all scattered around like so many fallen leaves crunching  c r u n c h i n g  as she steps on them. And she'll tell you she's just tired --no she isn't lying, it's what she tells herself too-- but when the razor blade is in her hand it doesn't really look that way anymore, does it? [No it doesn't, this is when you're supposed to close your eyes and stop looking stop looking stop looking for your own fucking good please just stop looking.] Yes, this is when you're supposed to not notice how much of a complete wreck she is, this is when you're supposed to bask in the illusion that yeah, she cuts herself, sure, but she's holding it together. No worries.
But really, she's a walking disaster always has been always will be. She was last year too, last year when everything was so wonderful and she was bleeding all over the ocean-blue sky splattering the milky-white clouds but oh well, the red helped her see the stars and that was what mattered, right? Who cared about the trees the dirt the rocks the sun the cracks the smiles the sidewalks, as long as she had the stars all to her very own self?
They turned away then, they turned away and pretended they didn't see how far apart all the little pieces were and how desperately her fire was raging. And she pretended she felt whole and completely satisfied with her self-destructive lifestyle. Or maybe she actually was. Who knows.
But you, you aren't turning away. You're looking her straight in the wide panicked eyes and assuring her that no, she is really not okay. And you're holding out a hand to hold onto and a heart to worm into and she can't, oh God, she could never do that to you (so why does she want to?).
And really she's contagious, so keep your distance and walk the fuck away.
And really she's grateful but has no way of saying so.
And really, you're all wasting your time. Why don't you just give up on her? She'll (probably) survive.

As you can tell, it's been an interesting day.
© 2010 - 2024 towards-eternity
Comments24
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londonrey's avatar
oh, deary.
those people.. are the ones who you should keep close.
i know what this is like, believe it or not.
hang in there.
:hug: